If you are a parent to more than one child, you probably
know the struggle of managing love and attention between them, however, if one
of the children is not warming up to the idea of change or his/her position
being replaced in the family, it may become hard for the parents to deal with
this situation. For instance, in some of the cases, children may fight over
driving the power wheel in addition to being uncooperative with each other.
This means that it is important for the parents to know all the important steps
involved in raising a family of more than one child.
In other words, the best approach is to identify the
behavioral problems of the child when they are young and try to control it
before it gets too late for the parents. If you can positively reinforce to
your child that you have noticed the behavioral issue and he/she needs to work
on it, it could stop you from using the extreme measures. There are certain
signs which can guide you in determining the underlying cause. For instance, if
the child is depicting poor control of emotions or things you have trained them
to do, it may be a sign of acting out. Hence, you should pay attention to the
way your kids act with you and others.
Even though it is often mentioned, however, some of the
parents tend to ignore the fact that older children in any family also go
through the emotional ride especially after the addition of new members. That
is why it is good to make preparation for them in addition to making the family
members ready for the undeniable change in the family dynamics. Moreover, some
of the families spend more time before the arrival of the new baby to build a
strong sense of understanding as the preparatory steps.
The element of jealousy may also take roots in the
mindset of your child, especially if he/she feels that parents prefer the
newborn over other. For instance, if the parents are not allowing the child to
express the sentiments, children may perform badly in studies or they may start
to get into fights with their school mates. If you experience these changes, it
is better to discuss them with the child or to take the necessary steps in
making the child understand your side of the story. The main point is to reduce
the distance between you and the child.
According to the experts, if the parents can reinforce
positive feeling in the children in terms of addressing the issue of siblings’
rivalry and by being careful about not discriminating, it could change the
family dynamics to large extent.
Reconnection
The likelihood of disconnection increase if you are busy
with the new child, therefore, it would increase the chances of making the
child feel marginalized as well. For example, if the child is ignored in terms
getting the food or their daily activity is postponed, it would automatically
nurture the negative emotions. However, if you can incorporate the techniques
to overcome the disconnection, the bond between you and the children can be
preserved.
Empathy
The best to deal with the children who have been acting
out is to get into the shoes to understand where he/she is coming from. In some
of the cases, for example, parents may get busy with the new child in terms of
feeding them and the older one may get overlooked, this is the time the other
partner or a parent can help to balance the attention or assist in helping the
older child. Some of the concerns
expressed by the older siblings may be exaggerated, but, it does not mean that
all the concerns should go unnoticed or that they are not based on firm
grounds.
Give Space
Though it may seem like a good idea to go and talk to thechild who feels upset, however, if you give them time, it would make things
easy for you in terms of calming the child and giving things time to settle. This
is not to say that you can let it go or that you should not seek to reconcile,
but if you wait for a little, it may resolve things to an extent. For instance,
if the child is old enough, he/she is going to realize the mistake or demerits
of fighting with the parents or getting carried away by divided attention,
hence, the sentimental outburst or fluctuations is going to settle down.
Balance
Some of the experts believe that parents can maintain a
healthy relationship if they start following the rule of five positive
interaction for every negative encounter with the children. The idea is to create balance in the
relationship with your tendency to discipline them. For example, if you grapple with time, it is good to take out time for your children or to spend quality
time with the older children every once in a while to make up for your busy
routine. Furthermore, you can also work
on the time management skills to give all the children the decent amount of
time.
Valuable Time
Though the lifestyle of the modern age has become hard
for taking time out for the meaningful interaction with the family, however, if
you don’t make an effort for the children, your relationship with them will
weaken. Similarly, it is necessary to give time the new born more attention,
however, if it is done at the cost other relationships or time of the older
children, you may have to reassess the time management or change your routine.
Another benefit of making your relationship with the older child stronger
before the new born comes to the home is that you can provide them with a
strong foundation to overcome the hard time or when they are not given adequate
attention. Furthermore, you can take them on board to help in raising the
younger siblings rather than getting jealous of the attention or divided love
of the parents.
